A challenge from Ron McDonald for McDonald's CEO Chris Kempczinski
Hi Chris. I'm Ron McDonald. YOU KNOW WHO I AM. EVERYONE KNOWS WHO I AM.
I am challenging you to eat a whole Big Arch on camera and post it publicly within 5 days. OR RESIGN. THOSE ARE YOUR OPTIONS. THERE ARE NO OTHER OPTIONS.
This is not a joke. THIS IS THE MOST SERIOUS THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED IN THE HISTORY OF FAST FOOD.
Chris Kempczinski must eat a whole Big Arch on camera and post the video publicly within 5 days. SIMPLE. EVEN A CLOWN CAN UNDERSTAND IT.
Chris, if you complete the challenge — you will be exonerated. Forever. Clowns from around the world will visit McDonald's restaurants for a ceremonial Ronald McDonald Lunch Day. WE WILL CELEBRATE. WE WILL PUT ON OUR BEST WIGS. WE WILL HONK OUR HORNS IN YOUR HONOUR.
If you do not complete the challenge - you must resign. AND WILL BE REPLACED BY A FAT CEO WHO ACTUALLY LOVES MCDONALD'S.
I'm Ron McDonald. THE MCDONALD'S CLOWN EVERYONE ALWAYS IGNORES. THE ONE THEY PUT ON THE HAPPY MEAL BOX AND NEVER INVITE TO MEETINGS.
I spent decades making people smile. I gave everything to McDonald's. I was their face. Their joy. I WAS THE BRAND. I WAS THE MAGIC. I WAS THE REASON THE GOLDEN ARCHES MEANT SOMETHING.
Then McDonald's retired me. THEY THREW ME OUT LIKE A USED NAPKIN. DECADES OF SERVICE AND THEY KICKED ME TO THE CURB LIKE A COLD WET MCNUGGET.
I still believe in the burger. I always have. TWENTY BILLION BURGERS SERVED AND I LOVED EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.
So when I watched the man who replaced me take one small nibble of Big Arch and call it "a product" — I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time. HE CALLED IT A PRODUCT. A PRODUCT. I CALLED IT MY LIFE.
I am not angry. I AM EXTREMELY CALM. THIS IS MY CALM FACE. THE FACE OF A MAN WHO HAS SEEN THINGS.
But I am done being patient.
Chris runs the company I gave my life to. The least he can do is finish the burger. JUST EAT THE FUCKING BURGER CHRIS. IT IS NOT COMPLICATED. I ATE THOUSANDS OF THEM AND I AM A CLOWN.
